Quiet

Today I am sad.

It is 1 a.m. and I should go to sleep, but I can't bear the idea of laying down in bed and being alone with my thoughts in the quiet.

So I read, I type messages on Facebook and try to find things that make me chuckle. But it doesn't really work.

Tomorrow I will go to the hospital to start a round of tests to find out why I can't seem to get pregnant. Just blood tests, taken on the right days, no biggie....but really, it is. Either one of two things will happen: We find out there is something wrong and find out if it can be fixed or we find out nothing is wrong and it's just not happening. I don't know which is worse. But I can't feel like this anymore.

If you take it down to the basics, a woman's body's first job is to procreate. Have babies. At this point in time I am failing at that. I am failing at being a woman. And it hurts. And I cry every month. And I have no girlfriends to talk to because I am ashamed and all my friends are pregnant. I can barely stand to talk to them on the phone much less look at them. I am happy for them, but I cannot be happy for me.

Sometimes I look at Emma and I think, let it just be enough. She is the most amazing little girl and I love her so very much, but I wish she had a sibling to love and plot and scheme and fight with. No matter what happens in the whole of your life when you have a sibling you never feel truly alone. I want that for her.

I want that for me.

The House of Lost Souls

The House of Lost Souls
Written by: F.G. Cottam
Hardcover: 352 pages
Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books
Genre: Fiction/Horror/Suspense

The publisher's description: Just weeks after four students cross the threshold of the derelict Fischer House, one of them has committed suicide and the other three are descending into madness. Nick Mason's sister is one of them. To save her, Nick must join ranks with Paul Seaton, who visited the house a decade earlier and survived. But Paul is a troubled man, haunted by visions that even now threaten his sanity. Desperate, Nick forces Paul to go back into the past, to the secret journal of beautiful photographer Pandora Gibson-Hoare; to a decadent gathering in the 1920s; and to the unspeakable crime that has haunted the Fischer House for decades.

*****This review contains spoilers*****

Okay, I love horror books. I love haunted houses, zombies, vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, aliens, what have you. I did not love this book. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I hated this book.

What I thought was great: The idea. When I first read about the book in my library's recommended reading newsletter I thought it would be right up my alley. A man must return to a house that so irreparably changed him 10 years prior. Another man's sister is in danger and he will do anything to save her. What's not to love? I had all these questions in my head when I picked the book up. Why did these girls go to the house? What happened when they got there? What happened BEFORE they got there? What happened to Paul Seaton?

And then it got bad: As I read the book I found the beginning to be intriguing, but very slow and slightly boring. I stuck with it though. After all, books don't always start out with a bang. Sometimes the best ones take awhile to pick up. So I kept going. It's so hard to explain this book! Cottam is EVERYWHERE with it. There are stories within the story that are both boring and unnecessary. He takes about 100 pages to finally get to the crux of the story, why we're reading this book. The first time you read the name Pandora isn't until after much ado about nothing. Of course, you want character development. You want to root for someone, hate someone, love someone, but Cottam takes it a little too far.

His writing style was slightly similar to Stephen King. Painfully descriptive of needless aspects. I don't need to know the whole geography of the London. I don't need to know how familiar Cottam is with England. Don't care what color and pattern the wallpaper is in Seaton's room or what the leaves in the jungle Nicholas Mason found the devil were shaped like. I don't need anyone to tell me that grass is green. See how ridiculous this paragraph is? Imagine 340 pages of that.

Then, when the book finally gets somewhere and you want to know what the decaying house, the possible zombies or ghosts or demons look, sound and smell like he rushes through as if he was afraid of running out of typewriter ribbon. As if he was getting too close to his publisher's deadline. It was disappointing.

While trying to explain the book to my husband I realized how confusing and full of holes the story was. All in all the book was a mess.

Would I recommend this book to anyone? Absolutely not.

2010's Support Your Local Library Challenge

I absolutely LOVE my library! Not only does Morgan Hill's library have a great selection of books, but they also have story/movie time every week for Emma, get books from other libraries and allow me to pick them up in Morgan Hill, AND I can also check out ebooks from them now! How exciting is that?!?! So just like last year I MUST participate in this challenge.

I'm going to try to do the 'Stepping It Up' level of the challenge. Wish me luck!

**

1. Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
2. The Birthing House - Christopher Ransom
3. The House of Lost Souls - F. Cottam
4. White is for Magic - Laurie Faria Stolarz
5. 13 Bullets - David Wellington
6. The Last Days - Scott Westerfeld
7. Shadowland - Alyson Noel
8. Deadly Little Lies - Laurie Faria Stolarz
9. Prism - Aliza & Faye Kellerman
10. Pucker - Melanie Gideon
11. The Forest of Hands & Teeth - Carrie Ryan
12. 99 Vampires - David Wellington
13. The It Girl - Cecily von Ziegesar
14. Rough Country - John Sandford
15. Not Becoming My Mother - Ruth Reichl
16. Witch & Wizard - James Patterson
17. Hush, Hush - Becca Fitzgerald
18. Fire - Kristin Cashore
19. The Awakening - Kelley Armstrong
20. The Salt Maiden - Colleen Thompson
21. Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn
22. The Widow - Carla Neggers
23. Skin Hunger - Kathleen Duey
24. Shiver - Maggie Stiefvater
25. The Everafter - Amy Huntley
26. Notorious - Cecily von Ziegesar
27. Silver is for Secrets - Laurie Faria Stolarz
28. Liar - Justin Larbalestier
29. Little Bee - Chris Cleave
30. The Hunter's Moon - OR Melling
31. After - Amy Efaw
32. Red is for Remembrance - Laurie Faria Stolarz
33. The Dead-Tossed Waves - Carrie Ryan
34. Blood Ties - Kay Hooper
35. Need - Carrie Jones
36. Sacred Scars - Kathleen Duey
37. Grave Surprise - Charlaine Harris
38. Reckless - Cecily von Ziegesar
39. Unforgettable - Cecily von Ziegesar
40. An Ice Cold Grave - Charlaine Harris
41. Lucky - Cecily von Ziegesar
42. Tempted - Cecily von Ziegesar
43. Infamous - Cecily von Ziegesar
44. Adored - Cecily von Ziegesar
45. Devious - Cecily von Ziegesar
46. Grave Secret - Charlaine Harris
47. By The Time You Read This I'll Be Dead - Julie Anne Peters
48. Fallen - Lauren Kate
49. Real Murders - Charlaine Harris
50. Beautiful Creatures - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
51. Dragonfly - Julia Golding
52. The Beekeeper's Apprentice - Laurie R. King
53. Before I Fall - Lauren Oliver
54. The Carrie Diaries - Candace Bushnell
55. The Killing Hour - Lisa Gardner
56. The Reckoning - Kelley Armstrong
57. The Curse of the Romanovs - Staton Rabin
58. The Bone Collector - Jeffery Deaver
59. A Bone to Pick - Charlaine Harris
60. The Iron King - Julie Kagawa
61. The Devouring - Simon Holt
62. The Poison Eaters - Holly Black
63. Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
64. Olive Kitteridge - Elizabeth Strout
65. Wicked: Witch - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie
66. Wicked: Curse - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie
67. Mistress of the Art of Death - Ariana Franklin
68. Blood Ninja - Nick Lake
69. Soulstice - Simon Holt
70. Dark Flame - Alyson Noel
71. The Unresolved - TK Welsh
72. The Knife that Killed Me - Anthony McGowan
73. Possessions - Nancy Holder
74. The 9th Judgment - James Patterson
75. Classic - Cecily von Ziegesar
76. Outside Beauty - Cynthia Kadohata
77. Luna - Julie Anne Peters
78. The Evil Within - Nancy Holder
79. White Cat - Holly Black
80. Worst Case - James Patterson
81. Swimsuit - James Patterson
82. I, Alex Cross - James Patterson
83. Frankenstein: Lost Souls - Dean Koontz
84. Captivate - Carrie Jones
85. Glimmerglass - Jenna Black
86. The Postcard Killers - James Patterson
87. Linger - Maggie Stiefvater
88. Incarceron - Catherine Fisher
89. Beautiful Darkness - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
90. Torment - Lauren Kate
91. The Good Neighbors: Kin - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
92. The Good Neighbors: Kith - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
93. Blindsighted - Karin Slaughter
94. Clockwork Angel - Cassandra Clare
95. Radiance - Alyson Noel
96. The Eternal Ones - Kirsten Miller
97. The Good Neighbors: Kind - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
98. Keeper of Light & Dust - Natasha Mostert
99. Night Star - Alyson Noel
100. Lament - Maggie Stiefvater
GOAL REACHED 8/26/2010

2010 Young Adult Reading Challenge

This is the J.Kaye's Young Adult Reading Challenge. I've decided to do the 'Super Size Me YA Reading Challenge'. I haven't read anything yet, but I've got some things lined up!

1. Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer
2. White is for Magic - Laurie Faria Stolarz
3. The Last Days - Scott Westerfeld
4. Shadowland - Alyson Noel
5. Frostbite - Richelle Mead
6. Deadly Little Lies - Laurie Faria Stolarz
7. Prism - Aliza & Faye Kellerman
8. Pucker - Melanie Gideon
9. The Forest of Hands & Teeth - Carrie Ryan
10. The It Girl - Cecily von Ziegesar
11. Gossip Girl - Cecily von Ziegesar
12. Witch & Wizard - James Patterson
13. Hush, Hush - Becca Fitzgerald
14. Fire - Kristin Cashore
15. The Awakening - Kelley Armstrong
16. Skin Hunger - Kathleen Duey
17. Shiver - Maggie Stiefvater
18. Marked - PC & Kristin Cast
19. The Everafter - Amy Huntley
20. Silver is for Secrets - Laurie Faria Stolarz
21. Liar - Justine Larbalestier
22. The Hunter's Moon - OR Melling
23. Notorious - Cecily von Ziegesar
24. After - Amy Efaw
25. Red is for Remembrance - Laurie Faria Stolarz
26. The Dead-Tossed Waves - Carrie Ryan
27. Need - Carrie Jones
28. Sacred Scars - Kathleen Duey
29. Betrayed - PC & Kristin Cast
30. Graceling - Kristin Cashore
31. Reckless - Cecily von Ziegesar
32. Unforgettable - Cecily von Ziegesar
33. Lucky - Cecily von Ziegesar
34. Tempted - Cecily von Ziegesar
35. Infamous - Cecily von Ziegesar
36. Adored - Cecily von Ziegesar
37. Devious - Cecily von Ziegesar
38. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner - Stephenie Meyer
39. By The Time You Read This I'll Be Dead - Julie Anne Peters
40. Fallen - Lauren Kate
41. Beautiful Creatures - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
42. Dragonfly - Julia Golding
43. Before I Fall - Lauren Oliver
44. The Carrie Diaries - Candace Bushnell
45. The Reckoning - Kelley Armstrong
46. The Curse of the Romanovs - Staton Rabin
47. The Iron King - Julie Kagawa
48. The Devouring - Simon Holt
49. The Poison Eaters - Holly Black
50. Wicked: Witch - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie
51. Wicked: Curse - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie
52. Blood Ninja - Nick Lake
53. Soulstice - Simon Holt
54. Dark Flame - Alyson Noel
55. The Unresolved - TK Welsh
56. The Knife That Killed Me - Anthony McGowan
57. Possessions - Nancy Holder
58. Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins
59. Classic - Cecily von Ziegesar
60. Outside Beauty - Cynthia Kadohata
61. Luna - Julie Anne Peters
62. The Evil Within - Nancy Holder
63. White Cat - Holly Black
64. Captivate - Carrie Jones
65. Glimmerglass - Jenna Black
66. Linger - Maggie Stiefvater
67. Crescendo - Becca Fitzgerald
68. I Am Number Four - Pittacus Lore
69. You Know You Love Me - Cecily von Ziegesar
70. Chosen - PC & Kristin Cast
71. Incarceron - Catherine Fisher
72. Beautiful Darkness - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
73. Torment - Lauren Kate
74. The Good Neighbors: Kin - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
75. The Good Neighbors: Kith - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
GOAL REACHED 11/28/2010 Happy Birthday to Me!!
76. Untamed - PC & Kristin Cast
77. Clockwork Angel - Cassandra Clare
78. Twilight: The Graphic Novel - Stephenie Meyer & Young Kim
79. Radiance - Alyson Noel
80. The Eternal Ones - Kirsten Miller
81. The Good Neighbors: Kind - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
82. Night Star - Alyson Noel
83. Lament - Maggie Stiefvater

2010's 100+ Book Challenge

It's that time again! Time to start my Reading Challenges! My goal this year is 175 books total. I'm going to participate in 4 different challenges. Three of them I completed last year and the other is a new one that actually started back in July and runs through June of this year. I think I can complete it by then!

This is the post for the 100+ Reading Challenge. I haven't started out too strong so far, but I plan to remedy that soon!

1. Breaking Dawn - Stephenie Meyer
2. Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
3. The Birthing House - Christopher Ransom

4. Postmortem - Patricia Cornwell
5. The House of Lost Souls - F. Cottam
6. White is for Magic - Laurie Faria Stolarz
7. 13 Bullets - David Wellington
8. The Last Days - Scott Westerfeld
9. Club Dead - Charlaine Harris
10. Shadowland - Alyson Noel
11. Frostbite - Richelle Mead
12. Deadly Little Lies - Laurie Faria Stolarz
13. Prism - Aliza & Faye Kellerman
14. Pucker - Melanie Gideon
15. The Forest of Hands & Teeth - Carrie Ryan
16. 99 Coffins - David Wellington
17. The It Girl - Cecily von Ziegesar
18. Rough Country - John Sandford
19. Tripwire - Lee Child
20. Gossip Girl - Cecily von Ziegesar
21. Body of Evidence - Patricia Cornwell
22. Seduced by Moonlight - Laurell K. Hamilton
23. The Lunatic Cafe - Laurell K. Hamilton
24. Dead to the World - Charlaine Harris
25. Not Becoming My Mother - Ruth Reichl
26. Witch & Wizard - James Patterson
27. Hush, Hush- Becca Fitzgerald
28. Fire - Kristin Cashore
29. The Awakening - Kelley Armstrong
30. The Salt Maiden - Colleen Thompson
31. Sharp Objects - Gillian Flynn
32. The Widow - Carla Neggers
33. Skin Hunger - Kathleen Duey
34. Shiver - Maggie Stiefvater
35. Marked - PC & Kristin Cast
36. Bloody Bones - Laurell K. Hamilton
37. Dead as a Doornail - Charlaine Harris
38. The Everafter - Amy Huntley
39. Notorious - Cecily von Ziegesar
40. Silver is for Secrets - Laurie Faria Stolarz
41. Liar - Justine Larbalestier
42. Little Bee - Chris Cleave
43. The Hunter's Moon - OR Melling
44. After - Amy Efaw
45. Red is for Remembrance - Laurie Faria Stolarz
46. The Dead-Tossed Waves - Carrie Ryan
47. Blood Ties - Kay Hooper
48. Need - Carrie Jones
49. Sacred Scars - Kathleen Duey
50. Shakespeare's Landlord - Charlaine Harris
51. The Magicians - Lev Grossman
52. Frankenstein: Dead & Alive - Dean Koontz
53. Grave Sight - Charlaine Harris
54. Cross Country - James Patterson
55. The Help - Kathryn Stockett
56. A Stroke of Midnight - Laurell K. Hamilton
57. The Killing Dance - Laurell K. Hamilton
58. All That Remains - Patricia Cornwell
59. The Chatham School Affair - Thomas H. Cook
60. Betrayed - PC & Kristin Cast
61. Graceling - Kristin Cashore
62. Cruel & Unusual - Patricia Cornwell
63. Girls in Trucks - Katie Crouch
64. Burnt Offerings - Laurell K. Hamilton
65. Mistral's Kiss - Laurell K. Hamilton
66. Twenties Girl - Sophie Kinsella
67. Shakespeare's Champion - Charlaine Harris
68. The Survivors Club - Lisa Gardner
69. Tribute - Nora Roberts
70. Bare Bones - Kathy Reichs
71. The Sleeping Beauty Proposal - Sarah Strohmeyer
72. Baby Proof - Emily Griffin
73. Speak No Evil - Allison Brennan
74. 7th Heaven - James Patterson
75. Three in Death - JD Robb
76. First Family - David Baldacci
77. The Cinderella Pact - Sarah Strohmeyer
78. Divine Justice - David Baldacci
79. See No Evil - Allison Brennan
80. Fear No Evil - Allison Brennan
81. A Grave Surprise - Charlaine Harris
82. Reckless - Cecily von Ziegesar
83. A Lick of Frost - Laurell K. Hamilton
84. Running Blind - Lee Child
85. Shakespeare's Christmas - Charlaine Harris
86. Unforgettable - Cecily von Ziegesar
87. An Ice Cold Grave - Charlaine Harris
88. Lucky - Cecily von Ziegesar
89. Tempted - Cecily von Ziegesar
90. Infamous - Cecily von Ziegesar
91. Adored - Cecily von Ziegesar
92. Devious - Cecily von Ziegesar
93. Swallowing Darkness - Laurell K. Hamilton
94. Shakespeare's Trollop - Charlaine Harris
95. The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner - Stephenie Meyer
96. The Body Farm - Patricia Cornwell
97. Definitely Dead - Charlaine Harris
98. Blue Moon - Laurell K. Hamilton
99. The Girl Who Was Infatuated With Dead (from Bite) - Laurell K. Hamilton
100. All Together Dead - Charlaine Harris
101. Grave Secret - Charlaine Harris
102. Echo Burning - Lee Child
103. From Potter's Field - Patricia Cornwell
104. The 8th Confession - James Patterson
105. Shakespeare's Counselor - Charlaine Harris
106. By The Time You Read This I'll Be Dead - Julie Anne Peters
107. Fallen - Lauren Kate
108. Real Murders - Charlaine Harris
109. Beautiful Creatures - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
110. Dragonfly - Julia Golding
111. The Beekeeper's Apprentice - Laurie R. King
112. Before I Fall - Lauren Oliver
113. The Carrie Diaries - Candace Bushnell
114. The Killing Hour - Lisa Gardner
115. The Reckoning - Kelley Armstrong
116. The Curse of the Romanovs - Staton Rubin
117. Wicked Prey - John Sandford
118. The Bone Collector - Jeffery Deaver
119. The Baby Farm - Karen Harper
120. A Bone to Pick - Charlaine Harris
121. The Iron King - Julie Kagawa
122. From Dead to Worse - Charlaine Harris
123. The Devouring - Simon Holt
124. The Poison Eaters - Holly Black
125. Eat, Pray, Love - Elizabeth Gilbert
126. Olive Kitteridge - Elizabeth Strout
127. Wicked: Witch - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie
128. Wicked: Curse - Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie
129. Mistress of the Art of Death - Ariana Franklin
130. Without Fail - Lee Child
131. Black Hills - Nora Roberts
132. Dead & Gone - Charlaine Harris
133. Blood Ninja - Nick Lake
134. Soulstice - Simon Holt
135. A Touch of Dead - Charlaine Harris
136. Persuader - Lee Child
137. Divine Misdemeanors - Laurell K. Hamilton
138. Alex Cross's Trial - James Patterson
139. Dark Flame - Alyson Noel
140. The Unresolved - TK Welsh
141. The Knife That Killed Me - Anthony McGowan
142. Possessions - Nancy Holder
143. The 9th Judgment - James Patterson
144. Dead in the Family - Charlaine Harris
145. Mockingjay - Suzanne Collins
146. Classic - Cecily von Ziegesar
147. Killing Fear - Allison Brennan
148. Stalemate - Iris Johansen
149. Outside Beauty - Cynthia Kadohata
150. Luna - Julie Anne Peters
151. The Evil Within - Nancy Holder
152. White Cat - Holly Black
153. Monday Mourning - Kathy Reichs
154. Gone - Lisa Gardner
155. Promises in Death - JD Robb
156. Pandora's Daughter - Iris Johansen
157. Tempting Evil - Allison Brennan
158. Love the One You're With - Emily Griffin
159. Worst Case - James Patterson
160. Swimsuit - James Patterson
161. I, Alex Cross - James Patterson
162. Frankenstein: Lost Souls - Dean Koontz
163. Captivate - Carrie Jones
164. Glimmerglass - Jenna Black
165. Playing Dead - Allison Brennan
166. The Postcard Killers - James Patterson
167. Linger - Maggie Stiefvater
168. Crescendo - Becca Fitzgerald
169. Kindred in Death - JD Robb
170. Quicksand - Iris Johansen
171. Cross Bones - Kathy Reichs
172. Bad Blood - John Sandford
173. Every Dead Thing - John Connolly
174. Fantasy in Death - JD Robb
175. I Am Number Four - Pittacus Lore
176. Obsidian Butterfly - Laurell K. Hamilton
177. Private - James Patterson
178. You Know You Love Me - Cecily von Ziegesar
179. Chosen - PC & Kristin Cast
180. Vision in White - Nora Roberts
181. Incarceron - Catherine Fisher
182. Beautiful Darkness - Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl
183. Torment - Lauren Kate
184. The Good Neighbors: Kin - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
185. The Good Neighbors: Kith - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
186. Sudden Death - Allison Brennan
187. Untamed - PC & Kristin Cast
188. Bed of Roses - Nora Roberts
189. The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown
190. Blindsighted - Karin Slaughter
191. Clockwork Angel - Cassandra Clare
192. Twilight: The Graphic Novel - Stephenie Meyer & Young Kim
193. Savor the Moment - Nora Roberts
194. Radiance - Alyson Noel
195. The Eternal Ones - Kirsten Miller
196. The Good Neighbors: Kind - Holly Black & Ted Naifeh
197. Keeper of Light & Dust - Natasha Mostert
198. Night Star - Alyson Noel
199. Lament - Maggie Stiefvater
200. Happy Ever After - Nora Roberts
GOAL REACHED 12/28/10
201. Fatal Secrets - Allison Brennan
202. Storm Prey - John Sandford

New Year, New Year

I have NOT been good about blogging, this I know.

I've been waiting for my husband to show me how to resize pictures so I can post on our family blog, but I don't think that's going to happen. He said something about me learning how to use Adobe Elements.....yeah, I don't think so. So I'll just blog here on all the happenings in our household.

I HAVE A NIECE!

Chloe Akemi was born on December 3rd. She was 6 pounds, 12 ounces and 19 inches long. So tiny! She arrived a day earlier than scheduled (my sister was scheduled for a C-section on the 4th), but that was good because we couldn't wait to meet her! My sister and her husband decided to be surprised this time and didn't find out the sex of the baby until Chloe arrived. My mom and I were going nuts, but I knew it was going to be a girl!

We love her sooooo much, but I don't think anyone can love her more than her big brother Dominic! He's so taken with her and already super protective. He loves to feed her while he's watching his shows and always giving her love.

Unfortunately, Emma and I have ended the year and started out the new one sick! We caught a really bad cold around New Year's Eve and still have the symptoms. Starting to get better, but it's still no fun! That means, no so much time playing with Chloe! Boo!