expectations

There are people in your life that you expect to behave or do things in a certain fashion.  They run the gamut from friends & family to your mail carriers or even complete strangers.  You expect people to act with common courtesy or to put the mail in your mail box and take the outgoing mail with them.  You just expect that because, well it’s the way things should be, right?

But then there are those who DON’T do what you think they should do.  And this can also go either way.  They are either inconsiderate or you’re just expecting too much.  And it can drive you crazy.  Maybe it drives you crazy because it’s making your life crazy to plan around this person or fix the mistakes this person is creating in your life.  Or maybe it drives you crazy because you see the train wreck that is about to happen and no matter how loud you scream or how animated you wave your arms around it doesn’t stop the wreck from happening.

And I have one of those expectations.  And it is driving me crazy.  Or at least it was, until I realized that the only person being driven crazy in this instance is me.  And really it is difficult to not jump up and down and wave my arms and scream for the train to stop (though surprisingly being pregnant does not make me the least bit partial to jumping up and down), but I have to ignore it.

That’s pretty close to impossible for me.  I’m pretty much a busybody.  When something (or someone) is broken I want to fix them and truly believe (somewhat delusionally) that I KNOW how to fix them when in fact, I haven’t the slightest clue.  These urges have gotten me in trouble from time to time.  For instance, falling into a relationship with a person so irrevocably broken because I felt I could make them better only to find that what was broken in them wanted to break me.

Or being in a restaurant and seeing a table act like a bunch of assholes to their overworked waitress.  Or working with an overworked waitress and watching an asshole customer be, well, an ass.  Despite my small size I was never one to back down from a fight or afraid to stand up for someone I thought was being wronged.

And now, older and wanting less drama in my life I’ve come to the conclusion that people cannot be fixed.  Especially when they themselves do not care.  And since I do not want to be crazed anymore they can just stay on those tracks and meet their disaster.  Sure, I might be there to help pick up the pieces because I am not an asshole, but I can’t stop them from chugging along anymore.

*end random rant*