It’s been a few days since I’ve posted. At first I told myself it was because I was so busy over the weekend. Emma’s birthday party was a huge success, although quite exhausting. Then it was Mother’s Day and we juggled spending time with my mom, aunts & grandmother and Ray’s mom & sisters.
But then the days passed and I just don’t feel like doing much. I don’t really feel like finishing the last of the six books I’m 100 pages from finishing. I don’t feel like playing the new LEGO Pirates of the Caribbean game Ray got for me, nor am I super gung-ho about putting together the LEGO set of Diagon Alley I got for Mother’s Day. And I’m sad to say that I have put little effort into taking pictures for my 365 project.
Normally, I would chalk it up to depression, but I’ve been there and know what that feels like and this isn’t it. I’m just so tired and so tired of feeling yucky. Since conception I don’t think there has been one full day of this pregnancy where I have felt good and not fighting the urge to throw up. What makes me the most unhappy is that I love to eat good food and so far I have been unable to eat all the things that I love. Nothing tastes good.
It feels blasphemous to complain about not loving every minute of this pregnancy since we worked so hard to get here and went through so much. I feel ungrateful and as if I’m tempting fate. I worry because I’m not gaining weight, in fact have lost some weight. I’m back to wearing non maternity pants. I worry because I haven’t felt the baby move yet, though I’m only 15 weeks and some say you can’t feel the baby until around 16-17 weeks.
I always thought that the second pregnancy would be worse than the first. With the first you literally have no idea what to expect. But with the second, you know and may have experienced all the scary & bad things that can happen and you worry the whole time about those bad & scary things. And I am a worrier by nature. So as you can imagine despite the tiny logical part of my brain I’m quite stressed out about ridiculous things.
And I haven’t felt like blogging.
So bear with me and my intermittent postings. I’ll try my best to get back in the writing groove.
Oh, Notie. If I was there, I'd hug you and tell you it'll all be okay, because it will. And don't beat yourself up for feeling blah - just do your thing and we'll catch ya on the flip side. :) I hope you feel wonderful and hungry and happy very soon!
ReplyDeleteI haven't felt like blogging this last week either, and I don't have a new little one occupying my thoughts. I was a stress case with my first pregnancy and hope I'll be calmer when my next one comes along...but I agree you know all the scary things that can happen even more than the first time. Really wanting a pregnancy doesn't mean it isn't hard sometimes and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThanks Ixy...you're the sweetest!
ReplyDelete