there are times

when you heart hurts and you don't know why and you can't think of a way to stop it.

there are times when everything feels so overwhelming that you don't know where to begin.

there are times when you were expecting someone to do something for you and they don't and you can't let it go.

2011 was a hard year for so many people.  Americans saw protesting all over the country.  We've seen Republican Presidential candidates that are the most appalling group yet.  Preaching hate and intolerance.  Teaching their children to despise gays and lesbians.  And now, trying to rally the rest of these like minded individuals to take away the newly acquired basic rights some earned this year.  It sickens me.

I spent a couple of hours just now watching a show called 'Beyond Scared Straight'.  They bring these at risk kids into an actual prison and scare the shit out of them.  The first episode was particularly interesting in that one of the girls being 'scared straight' came face to face with the mother she thought was out of jail.  Turned out she violated her parole and was back in.  The mother is literally on her knees begging her daughter not to follow in her footsteps.  And hopefully that worked.  Hopefully, these kids will go on and turn their lives around, but how did we get there?

Are we raising generations of children and young adults who care about nothing but themselves to the nth degree?  Of course children and teens are selfish.  They have to learn compassion and empathy.  But some will never find those aspects.  They will forever be cold and cynical either by the life they've been surrounded by or by the life that made them.

I'm scared for my kids to grow up and have kids.  Heck, right now I'm afraid for the point when Emma gets to 1st grade and I'm not there at all and she gets bullied for the first time - because it's happening that young, even younger.  Or even worse, to find out my kid is the bully.

I think I've lost track of where this post is going.  Basically I've had a few friends who had a rough 2011.  Even me, whose ultimate wish for another baby came true in 2011 it was still the hardest year I had to get through.

I think that in my own problems I forgot about everyone else's problems.  And I've had friends say 'oh, well what did they expect, you're pregnant?' or something similar.  That's not the person I want to be.  I want to be the friend who despite whatever may be going on will stop to take a moment to call or email or text or facebook or whatever the hell and reach out.  Because years and years ago someone reached out to me.  And if she hadn't (ET) I wouldn't be here.  I have been a good friend.  Would do anything for my friends, but sometimes seeing someone struggle I lose the words I want to say to them.  'Be strong' 'You can do it' just don't seem to cut it so well.

But this year I vow that I will say whatever needs to be said so that my friends, my real friends, know what I think of them.  How I value them and appreciate them everyday.

I've heard people say all the time 'every day is a struggle'.  Well, let's not let it be.  Let's make everyday a celebration.  Let's eat better & celebrate the fact that we can take a hike without passing out.  Let's hold the door open for someone going inside the library because we can.  Let's say 'hi' to a passerby on the sidewalk because we both live in this town.  Let's help that older woman put her groceries in her car.

Let's smile at our friends and loved ones every time we see them because every time we get to see them is a gift.  Let's hold our babies tight and cover their faces with kisses and love them as fiercely as we can.  Let's be the best spouse we can be.  Let's go back to our vows and remember what we had promised in the beginning of our marriages.  Let's return to that.

And then let's celebrate that we have friends who love us, family that stands by us, children that adore us and be grateful that we are so lucky.  That we are so blessed.