Today I Wanted to Chop Someone’s Head Off

Mainly, the insane woman who was in line in front of me at the library.  

I made the mistake of going to the library at 4:45-ish.  This, as you know (if you are a library regular like me) is the witching hour of the library.  It’s when all the tweens & teens are there from whatever school activities they have finished with and when most of the adults are stopping by on their way home from work … i.e. it’s a madhouse.

The tween/teens are actually not that bad.  It’s their parents and/or other idiot adults who have somehow forgotten that a library is a sacred and quiet place.  My sister-in-law recently rediscovered the library for her audiobook desires and was telling me how the Milpitas Branch has gone to hell.  She said kids were running around screaming all over the place.  I guess nowadays the scary old lady librarians who used to keep us all in line when we were kids have all retired and have been replaced by hip, young, whippersnappers who want to be cool in the eyes of these hellions.

Anyhoo, I digress.  Back to the insane woman I almost decapitated today.  I will call her Insane Woman.

And just another side note.  This is undoubtedly my punishment for having late fees.  I NEVER have late fees.  Even if I have a 25¢ fee I have to go pay it right away.  I hate having that on my account.

So back to my rant.  I was the second person in line to pay my measly 50¢ late fee.  There are two terminals at the customer service desk.  One does everything, but the other can only look up account numbers, check stock and create new accounts.  The library has become a place where people go to get DVDs so they don’t have to pay for Netflix or Blockbuster.  If they do get DVDs they have to check them out at one of the very fast & convenient self checkout kiosks then go to the customer service desk to get the little anti-theft cases off.  Both people at the desk can do this.

There are about eleventy-hundred people in line.  Insane Woman is in front of me & she is next. She has a paper grocery bag FULL of DVDs.  The other librarian (I’ll call her Libby) at the desk shows up and asks if she can help this woman.  Insane Woman proceeds to drop the bag onto the counter and tell Libby that someone must have stolen the books she had on hold because they are not there.  She tells her the name she had them under.  Libby tells her that name is not on the account it is this other name.  Insane Woman replies, ‘oh yes, you’re right.  I changed my name when I got divorced three years ago.”  Really??  Three years ago you changed your name and you forget this?

She then upends the bag onto the counter and tells Libby she needs the cases removed.  Libby asks if Insane Woman has checked them out at one of the kiosks yet.  She says no she just thought Libby would check them out for her.  Libby tells her that the terminal is not capable of checking items out.  Insane Woman points to the woman at the other terminal and says ‘well, how come SHE got to check things out here.’  Libby tells her that the other terminal can check items out, but this one can’t.  Insane Woman picks up all the DVDs, dumps them into the bag and says she will just have to get back in line then.

She then, without looking takes a HUGE step back in line in front of me.  She is now so close to me that her short, greasy hair goes into my nose.  INTO.  MY.  NOSE.  I say ‘Excuse me’ in a tone that clearly implies ‘You are an ass.’  She turns around and says, ‘oh yeah, can you move back please?’

Now, I am not a nice person.  At least I used to not be.  I like to think that having Emma has mellowed me out some.  But I am respectful to people and mostly polite because I was brought up that way.  My nickname at work used to be ‘Scary Kari’.  Scary Kari wanted to tell Insane Woman that she needed to back away or I would kindly place those DVDs up her arse.

But I held it in.  Because I was with my daughter.  And that really is the only reason.  Not only because she was rude to me and was clearly invading my personal space, but because she was incredibly snotty to Libby who is a very nice and smiley person every time I come to the library (which is a lot).  I HATE people who are rude and mean to nice people who are JUST DOING THEIR JOB!

So I stepped back.  She got helped next and I had to sit through listening to her bitch about the $48 in late fees she had.  She wanted the breakdown of every fee.  There are now 1400 people in line behind me.

Then a woman shows up at the front doors and literally starts screaming at her kids that it is time to go.  A quick scan around the surrounding area does not net me a glace at any offspring that could possibly belong to this horrible human being.

Libby walks over to Horrible Human Being and asks if she can help.  She says she’s here to pick up her kids and then yells their names again.  Libby must remind her that this is a library and maybe she should walk around and look for the children instead of yelling.  Horrible Human Being replies ‘Forget it.  I’ll just call them'.  She them proceeds to take out her phone and yell to her children over the nation’s fastest broadband service that she is here to pick them up and where the hell are they?

It is at this precise moment (after waiting in line for 17 minutes to pay my 50¢ fee) that I hear Insane Woman ask ‘can I write a check for this?’  

And that is when I decapitated her.