th1rteen r3asons why

Still getting our vacation pictures together!  So in the meantime, here's a review on a book I finished while en route on said vacation.

For about 5 seconds I thought about being 'cute' and listing 13 reasons why you should read this book, but this isn't a cute book and it shouldn't really be taken lightly so I nixed that idea pretty quick.

Clay arrives home one day to find a package addressed to him.  Excited about the prospect of a gift he didn't know was coming quickly turns into horror as he finds several cassette tapes with the voice of Hannah Baker, a school mate and Clay's crush who recently died.  Hannah goes on to explain that these tapes are the 13 reasons why she took her life and if you're receiving these tapes it means that you had part in one of the reasons.

As Clay wanders the streets of his town, following the map that Hannah provided, his dread grows deeper and deeper.  He cannot figure out what his part in Hannah's suicide could have been and the idea of listening to the tapes until he gets to his name is almost unbearable.

I think this book should be mandatory reading for middle and high school students.  Well, not just the students, but teachers and parents as well.  The book isn't just about suicide, but of the effect everyone has on everyone around them even if they are not intending on being hurtful.  It also showcases the people who are left behind.  Who are wounded by the actions of the person who committed suicide.  The immeasurable guilt that is left behind.  The permanence of such an act.

My depression started when I was about fifteen.  I honestly don't know what, if anything, triggered it or if I was just meant to feel that way.  Nothing I said or did felt right.  Despite being surrounded by friends and family who loved me I felt alone and sick.  It ebbed and waned but it stayed with me throughout most of my young adult life.  I spent a short amount of time in the mental ward when things quickly spiraled out of control and while now, I can look back on that time with a bit of humor, it was still a very dark time in my life.

One of the things I've noticed about blogging is the number of people who pour themselves out onto the screen.  People who feel the way I felt those years back.  I want so desperately to reach out and tell them that it does get better someday.  That maybe your pain doesn't disappear completely, but that there are always these rays of sunshine that pierce through the haze of pain and it's so worth it.  And for the most part, I do reach out.  But I wonder at times if it's enough.

Sometimes these type of books are hard for me to read.  Much like Susanna Kaysen's Girl, Interrupted I read this book in fits and starts.

Hannah's story escalates throughout the book.  At first you think she's just an over dramatic teen who put too much stock into what people said about her, but as her confessions go on tape after tape you are left to honestly evaluate what you would have done in her situation and you ache for the child she was who was made to make a decision that an adult would struggle with.

What do you think you would do?