I Probably Don’t Hate You. Probably.

The Meanest Mom blog is one of my favorites.  She makes me laugh and I quite admire her creative attitude with her kids.  I read this blog post awhile ago and I thought, wow that is me too!  I really abhor social functions if the people attending are not my family members.  I hate talking to people on the phone.  I hate asking salespeople for help.  I pretty much don’t like making friends.

Well, that’s not so true.  I enjoy having new friends, it’s the making them part I can’t get behind so much.  I feel like I am awful at starting conversations, that I have very little in common with other people.  And then, when I start talking I can’t stop and inevitably I say something really stupid.  I’m quirky and weird and I’ve always wondered how I would handle finding a dead body.  Would I scream?  Throw up?  Be fascinated?

I have never told anyone that.  And this is why I love the internet.  Not so much the anonymity of it because pretty much everyone who reads this knows who I am so I’m not hiding behind anything, but it’s just always been easier for me to write.  Facebook is awesome for exactly this reason.  I know a lot of people complain about how social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace (yes, I hear that one’s still around) are ruining personal relationships.  That people have all these ‘friends’, but hardly any that they interact with off the computer.

I’m fine with that.  Facebook has brought me back into contact with wonderful people that I was close with once in high school or an old job that I just lost touch with as you do when you move on.  Sometimes I get together with some of them, but more often I don’t.  We exist as friends in cyberspace and that is all.

I wish I was more of a social butterfly, but that’s just not me.  However, in the last couple of years I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and met some new people that I couldn’t imagine my life without.  My friend Gina asked me to join her Bunco group a couple of years ago and against my better judgment I said yes.  Mainly because it would mean that I would get to spend some time with Gina and her cousin Kimiyo, both of whom are known to Emma as ‘Auntie’.  Gina’s very involved with her church and she told me beforehand (knowing I am not religious in any way, shape or form) that most of the people in the group were from her church.

So the first year I’d say I censored myself pretty harshly.  I say shit most times that would be offensive to people who drive trucks for a living.  I own a shirt that says ‘I wish I could hate you to death’ and another that just says ‘I probably hate you.’  I wear these shirts a lot.

But as I got to know these women I became more comfortable and started to be myself and they all still talk to me!  And every month that we get together is one of my favorite times.  Even though we only see each other once a month they are the most supportive and joyous group of women I have known.

It makes me think of my other girlfriends and how important they’ve been in my life.  Erin, Kimiyo and Diane have seen me through some seriously dark shit.  If it weren’t for Kiersten and Ashley I probably wouldn’t be here today.  And when I need someone to remind me of the person I’ve always been there’s Valerie, who has known me for 30 years and she still loves me.  My sisters-in-law who are each so very different so I can always find someone who will adventure with me.  My sister’s friends Taniya & Karen, who over the years have become my friends too.  The preschool mom’s JeNae & Julie who listen to my bad parenting fears and share their own or just laugh about it with me.

Then there’s my bloggie friends Natalie and Lauren.  Natalie, who is my alter ego on the other end of the country and Lauren who is the most inspiring, creative woman I have known.  I am jealous of her awesomeness.  Go read their blogs now.  You won’t be sorry.

But the most important women in my life?  My mom, my sister and my Auntie Marilyn.  They have always loved me, always encouraged me, always believed in me even when I don’t deserve it.  Even when I act like a raging bitch and drive them insane with my strangeness.  They are still there.

I’m a lucky girl.